How can I deny His gift?

I wish I was better at writing on this thing. I just haven't felt much like writing. It's been a hard couple months and I haven't found a lot I wanted to write about. Sadness seems to be around every corner and I'm hoping we are just getting the hard stuff for this year out of the way early.  Its so easy to let life suck you in and get you down.  It's hard not to let Satan slip in and turn life's difficulties into more pain and sadness. I'm normally such an optimistic person.....to a fault.....and it's hard for me to feel down in the dumps. I'm great at faking a smile and pretending everything is ok......even when all I want to do is cry for a whole day. I can cry with the best of them when I'm happy or overjoyed, but sadness, pain, anger.......anything that makes me feel vulnerable, I bury it deep. Don't shed a tear. I'm really good at hiding my imperfections and keeping people thinking "she's got it all together".......she doesn't.  I'm really good at leaving my troubles at the door......even when i feel like I'm drowning in them.  I don't have these "funks" very often, thank goodness, but then again they are so rare....I don't really know what to do when I get in one.

Then I am reminded....I am a daughter of God. No matter what I've done, what I'm going through....my value to Him is not diminished.  My debt is paid.  My pain has been felt. I have to learn to accept that and take advantage of the beautiful gift my Savior gave to me.  All of life's sorrows, pain, heartbreak, fear, anger and suffering......Christ felt it......experienced it.....a billion times over. I have to let it go. I have to do better. I have to allow His atoning sacrifice to work in my life. It's wasn't just for my sins......it was for all of my pain. How can I deny this gift he so lovingly and selflessly gave? After all, even if I was the only one who needed saving......He still would have come for me.