I really really hate cancer

I do. I really hate cancer. It's devastating and has affected everyone, it seems, in one way or another. So many people I know, lately, are going through and dealing with this terrible disease......but the link below is an article about a family we served with for 5 years at Luke AFB.  Sgt Cox and Sam worked together in the same shop.  Their story breaks my heart. His wife passed the cancer, she didn't know had come back, on to her baby in the womb. Briana passed away on Feb 12th and baby Addison is not expected to survive this for long.  My heart absolutely breaks for Sgt Cox.  For the Hansen's.  For the Hacking's.  For the Bowling's.  For the loss of my brother in law, Steve.

I really really hate cancer.

http://www.foxnews.com/health/2012/02/28/baby-inherits-stage-4-cancer-from-mother-in-utero-docs-say/?test=latestnews

First day of Tiger Preschool!

Today was Parker's first day of Tiger Preschool.  He did great!  He was not in the least bit worried about me leaving him.  He hung up his backpack and coat, gave me a hug and said, "Bye Mom. I'm gonna go play with those blocks."  He's gonna be just fine. :)

Snow Day!

Today was a snow day and it really did snow almost all day! It will probably be our only good snow this year, so we took advantage and I took lots of pictures!

How can I deny His gift?

I wish I was better at writing on this thing. I just haven't felt much like writing. It's been a hard couple months and I haven't found a lot I wanted to write about. Sadness seems to be around every corner and I'm hoping we are just getting the hard stuff for this year out of the way early.  Its so easy to let life suck you in and get you down.  It's hard not to let Satan slip in and turn life's difficulties into more pain and sadness. I'm normally such an optimistic person.....to a fault.....and it's hard for me to feel down in the dumps. I'm great at faking a smile and pretending everything is ok......even when all I want to do is cry for a whole day. I can cry with the best of them when I'm happy or overjoyed, but sadness, pain, anger.......anything that makes me feel vulnerable, I bury it deep. Don't shed a tear. I'm really good at hiding my imperfections and keeping people thinking "she's got it all together".......she doesn't.  I'm really good at leaving my troubles at the door......even when i feel like I'm drowning in them.  I don't have these "funks" very often, thank goodness, but then again they are so rare....I don't really know what to do when I get in one.

Then I am reminded....I am a daughter of God. No matter what I've done, what I'm going through....my value to Him is not diminished.  My debt is paid.  My pain has been felt. I have to learn to accept that and take advantage of the beautiful gift my Savior gave to me.  All of life's sorrows, pain, heartbreak, fear, anger and suffering......Christ felt it......experienced it.....a billion times over. I have to let it go. I have to do better. I have to allow His atoning sacrifice to work in my life. It's wasn't just for my sins......it was for all of my pain. How can I deny this gift he so lovingly and selflessly gave? After all, even if I was the only one who needed saving......He still would have come for me.

What am I gonna do???????

This week I signed Parker up for Tiger Preschool up at the high school.  It's a program where the child development class does an hour and a half "lab" I guess you could call it with preschool age kids. We do the mommy preschool, but I really wanted Parker to be in a classroom setting before he starts kindergarten.  I think this will be good for him.  However, it really got me thinking......what am I going to do with myself when he goes to kindergarten next year???  I will be lost without my Parker all day.  He has been my all day everyday for 5 years now and I think I will feel a little lost. I can not believe he is big enough to be starting school. It kinda breaks my heart. I remember how hard it was to leave Aileen that first day of kindergarten, but I had work to occupy my day.  I am going to have to find something to keep me busy that first day or I will go crazy.  It makes me so nervous and full of anxiety to think about it, but he is going to love it. He is so ready (he would have been ready this year) and will have so much fun. He is a people person and a social butterfly and will thrive, I know.  He's ready....even though I'm not.

Happy Birthday Sam!!!!!!

This picture cracks me up.  Happy Birthday!!!

Dear Parker.......

I can not believe you are 5 years old. I know it's often said, but it really does seem like yesterday that you came peacefully into this world.  No hub bub, no drama......just you, me and daddy (and well, the Dr and nurse, of course). You were so quiet and peaceful and such a happy baby right away.  I just wanted to hold you all the time.  This later proved to make things difficult for me, cause I held you so much you wouldn't go to sleep without me holding you!  But I didn't mind. Holding you was one of my favorite things to do. It still is!!  I love that you are such a sweet and cuddly little boy.  You always say "I love you" and give me hugs and kisses and it makes me so happy when you say, "I'll always do anything you want me to, Mommy!"  I will remind you of that when you are about 14. :)  I am such a lucky Mom.  I can't wait to see what the next 5 years has in store. I love you, buddy.  Happy Birthday!!